Domestic abuse support services

Domestic abuse is a crime and affects the quality of life of the victim, their family and their friends.

Domestic abuse is not only physical, and it can happen to anyone. It is defined as any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality.

Family members are defined as: mother, father, son, daughter, brother, sister and grandparents, whether directly related, in-laws or step-family

This can include, but is not limited to, these types of abuse:

• Physical, which can include hitting, punching, kicking, slapping, hitting with objects, pulling hair, pushing or shoving, cutting or stabbing, restraining, spitting, strangulation, choking.
• Sexual, which can include rape and coerced sex, forcing a victim to take part in unwanted sexual acts, refusal to practice safe sex or use contraception, threatened or actual sexual abuse of children.
• Psychological and emotional, which has a profound impact upon victims. It can leave a victim with little confidence that they can do anything to change the situation. Examples include:
  • creating isolation, e.g. not allowing them to see other people, preventing them from making friendships, not allowing them to go anywhere on their own.
  • Use of threats, e.g. threats to kill their family, children, friends, pets, to throw them out and keep the children, to find them if they ever leave.
  • Putting them down, humiliating and undermining them in front of others, telling them they are stupid, hopeless, unlovable, that no one would believe them, or that they are a bad parent.
• Economic abuse, which can include controlling money and bank accounts, making a victim account for all their expenditure, running up debts in a victim’s name, allowing no say on how monies are spent, refusing to allow them to study or work, controlling things that money can buy

Controlling behaviour is “a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.”

Coercive behaviour is “an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.”

Does your partner, ex-partner or someone you live with:

• cut you off from family and friends and intentionally isolate you?
• bully, threaten, or control you?
• take control of your finances?
• monitor or limit your use of technology?
• physically and/or sexually abuse you?

Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse, regardless of gender, age, ethnicity, religion, socio-economic status, sexuality or background.

If you believe that you are a victim of domestic abuse, there are signs that you can look out for including:

• being isolated from your family and friends
• having your finances controlled, or not being given enough to buy food, medication or pay bills
• not being allowed to leave your house, or stopped from going to college or work
• having your internet or social media use monitored, or someone else reading your texts, emails or letters
• being repeatedly belittled, put down or told you are worthless
• being pressured into sex or sexual contact
• being told that abuse is your fault, or that you’re overreacting

If you are concerned that a new, former or existing partner has an abusive past you can ask the police to check under the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (also known as ‘Clare’s Law’). This is your ‘right to ask’.

If records show that you may be at risk of domestic abuse, the police will consider disclosing the information. A disclosure can be made if it is legal, proportionate and necessary to do so.

If you are concerned about a friend or family member, you can apply for a disclosure on behalf of someone you know.

You can make a request to the police for information about a person’s previous violent offending in person at the police station or elsewhere, by telephone, by email, online or as part of a police investigation. Support agencies and services can also help you ask the police about this.

If you are worried that a friend, neighbour or loved one is a victim of domestic abuse, you can call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline for free and confidential advice, 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247.

Seeking help for someone you know can be challenging but you are not alone. Domestic abuse advisers will offer confidential, non-judgemental information and advice on the options available to you helping you to keep safe and make informed choices.

If you believe there is an immediate risk of harm to someone, or it is an emergency, you should always call 999.

If someone confides in you, there is more information on how to support a friend who is being abused.